Ugly
by Ishap
Summary: Finale tweak. L/K, chapter 2 goes beyond a tweak for some closure.
1. Chapter 1

_"Where are you going?"_

_"I don't know. I just know that I'm done here... I've completed my journey and...it feels good."_

"It feels good?" He shook his head. "It feels good." he said to himself and paused. "You don't want to spend any time with me anymore? You're saying that I'm beneath you... oh high and mighty guide of humanity." His tone was an attempt at playful, but they both knew it was a thin coat of paint atop something else altogether.

"'Want' has nothing to do with it."

"Well, if this is it, it's going to have to be ugly." He said, dropping the pretense of civility that wasn't fooling either of them. Kara gave him a sorrowful look; he ignored it. "This time," He pointed a finger "...this time," more softly. "it's going to look how it feels Kara." He promised her, looking her in the eye.

"You're not being fair. I don't have any choices here." her serenity was cracked and her words were clipped; Lee smiled.

"Then tell me you want to stay. Tell me you wish you _could_ stay." He stopped and stepped into her space, his hand cupping her face. "Or tell me that the most I ever was to you was a pity frak. Tell me that when you look at me all you see is Zak or Sam. Come on Kara. It's not so hard, you've basically said as much before. Shout it this time. I need to hear it loud. Sound off lieutenant." She pushed his hand away firmly.

"It's frakking 'Captain', Lee and shut the frak up."

"Why? What the frak has that ever gotten me. I shook his hand Kara." He showed her his right hand, palm out. "I shook his hand right after he married the woman I love. This is _nothing_ compared to that. An epilogue. I think I may have even managed a polite smile." He added conversationally. "Did I? You were there; did I smile at your inferno-bound husband?" He gestured toward the sun, marveling briefly at how beautiful this world was. Briefly because Kara slugged him before he could get any real awe going. The blow made him stagger back a bit, his hand going to the side of his face. Kara didn't feel any satisfaction though. She'd done exactly what he wanted; her jaw clenched. "Just like old times" He said. "Not what I'm looking for though, I need more. Give me more. We started off pretty bad," He was breaking all precedents; they never talked or even obliquely referred to the night they met. "this needs to be worse." He reclaimed the space right in front of her; the kind of inappropriate physical closeness they'd always shared. "So. I am going to tell you 'I love you' and you're going to say that you don't love me and that you never did. I'm going to say 'I need you' and you're going to say you don't need me and you never have. Does that sound about right to you?" His eyes roamed her face intensely, committing every detail to memory." And... there it was; that special anger only Lee could make her feel.

"This was supposed to be... something else." She ground out. " I was going to wish you all the best; because you deserve it. Tell you that I'll miss you; because I will. I wanted..."

"Frak what you want Kara. You've always gotten that from me. You owe me and I intend to collect now. You said you loved me. You frakked me one way and then frakked me another way the next morning. I never got the 'I hate you and wish you would die' that should have come somewhere between the two. You owe it to me and I want it before you go wherever the frak you're going."

"You've got to make everything a pity party don't you?!" Kara exploded. "'Daddy doesn't love me. Nobody loves me'." She said doing her 'Lee' voice. Kara blinked; It was that old cadence; words coming out of her mouth from someplace she could never locate; a dark and frakked up place she had thought was long gone since she had 'died'. Lee was looking at her with a genuine smile this time. A hopeful smile.

"Kara Thrace, ladies and gentleman. The genuine article." He said softly. "So... are you going to give me what I asked for or not?"

"Frak you Lee." She said through her teeth.

"Right here, right now?"


	2. Chapter 2

_"Right here, right now?"_

"Fine. You need _this_?" She moved to kiss him, but it wasn't a kiss, not really. It involved too many teeth. Lee grabbed her shoulders and held her away, licking the blood from his bottom lip while Kara watched, her eyes dark. She shook her head. "See, I enjoyed that. Hurting you is both fun and painful because it's like hurting me. What's here," She waved her index finger between the two of them. "Is nothing like what I had with Zak or Sam... . We're like a tornado filled with broken glass and shrapnel. We rip each other apart. Each other and anyone else that gets too close." She paused for a second, then: "And... I enjoy that too... part of me does. Like they deserve it somehow for getting in the way. For being stupid enough to..." She trailed off and then took a breath that shuddered through her a little. Then she gave him the smile that had so often broken his heart. "Are you good now?" Her eyes were red and there were tears that Lee was sure she wouldn't let fall. She made a bid for some composure and asked: "What are you going to do? This is the first day of..."

"I," he interrupted. "am going to get a real answer from Kara Thrace." He said firmly.

"Right." It was the breezy tone and she wasn't looking at him. "Of course I love you Lee... you know you're really paranoid about..."

"Not like that." He interrupted her again with a small headshake. She bit her lip.

"I can't." She said finally. He sighed, frustrated.

"Fine. Tell me this then, how did you say goodbye to Anders? What did you say to _him_?" 'Frak you Lee.' she thought to herself, crossing her arms. 'You wouldn't understand anyway.' They stared at each other in silence for a while.

"I guess that's going to have to be answer enough." He said finally. He put out a hand for her to shake. It was amazing how... wrong that gesture had always felt between the two of them and this time was no different. By the twist of Lee's mouth he felt that way too. He held her hand with both of his for a moment and then he turned and walked away. As he walked away she felt that familiar sense of accomplishment. That frakked up tiny burst of satisfaction. Sure, he'd done some damage, but she was still standing and he was walking away tired and resigned. One last victory for Starbuck. Now, if whatever was supposed to happen would just _happen_ she'd be.... well whatever. She waited. Nothing. About fifteen minutes later she started to feel a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach. When she'd started her conversation with Lee, she'd felt... wispy. She could feel each second passing and everything had felt... removed. It was gone. The certainty. The peace and tranquility. All gone. She looked down at her feet; they were firmly stuck in the mud. Apparently, fate or whatever didn't like girls with a little baggage.

"Oh, he's going to pay for this." She muttered. Because it _was_ his fault; most things were, she found. Her eyes followed him as he walked. This was a big space and you could see for what seemed like forever. And then, the smell suddenly hit her as it hadn't before. Fresh air scented by grass and just... life, moving in unpredictable eddies rather than the sedentary half-hearted stream the circulators aboard Galactica managed. The bright colors, the warmth and a sense of... potential hit her next... and she was smiling. A real smile that she was completely unaware of because she was thinking about what she was going to do to Lee when she caught up to him. "He has a destiny." she said to herself, her smile turning into a smirk as she set off after him. "I don't know if it's a pond, a river or a lake just yet... but he's going to make a big splash."

'He's going to want answers.' The more pragmatic side of her mind told her. 'He already has them,"she answered herself. "he just wants me to say it, and I will... eventually.' Up ahead, Lee stopped and turned around, his eyes finding hers across the distance. She _felt_ it when their eyes met; she always had.

"Yeah, there's my frakked-up other half." She waved at him. "Let's hope he can keep his annoying questions to himself for a while."


End file.
